Life in 2020 was tough. The recent easing of restrictions has offered a light at the end of the tunnel, but there are struggles ahead as we transition to the new COVID normal and understanding what our worlds will look like. Recent times have really made me think about what is the best way to support each other during times of upheaval, stress or even change?

In my opinion, social support can be key to a happy and healthy life. Despite being critical for personal and social well-being, and while well-intentioned, the support we provide to others can often be ineffective. These are my ideas on how we can provide more effective support for others, in a way that doesn’t come across as judgmental.

->Validate first, reframe second

Providing comfort and validating the other person’s feelings, including being empathic, by listening and by expressing understanding to anyone who is having trouble or needing an opinion is vital. We can at times be quick to judge. A solution is to start with validation, saying something like “I understand why you feel this way, it must be hard” and then reframe the situation, saying something like “This challenge might eventually be an opportunity”.

->Listen well

It takes a lot to be active listener. A good listener provides scaffolding to help the other person tell their story. They do this by asking questions including “what happened next?” and helping elaborate on ideas, for example asking “do you think they did that because they were worried or uncertain”. Conversations are two- way. Reassuring the person you are listening and asking the right questions work hand in hand.

->Be responsive not dismissive

Being responsive to others – trying to understand them, valuing their opinions and abilities, and making them feel cared for is a cornerstone for a good relationship. Negative interactions happen when when people ignore or invalidate others’ feelings, or are dismissive of how they feel. Instead, showing compassion and nonjudgmentally accepting others’ feelings help the other person feel supported.

I also think tis important to celebrate the little wins. When someone has something good to share, respond with enthusiasm, use your body language to show genuine interest, and ask questions that let them relive the positive experience.